My Hotel California

For the past 5-years, it seems that nothing whatsoever is motivating me in my professional career. It has become dull as a butter knife and I painfully believe now that my career in commercial Real Estate is not my chosen destiny. All seems to a ruse in which I find myself caught up in, like a butterfly caught in a spider’s web. It seems my hands were made for different work yet each day I toil away in Cubicle-ville; more like a laboratory rat continuously hitting the feeder bar for another food pellet. I find myself day-dreaming of spending time much like Thoreau did; sauntering through wooden splendor alone with my thoughts but not to publish or pontificate any specific position but rather, to spend time reflecting on life and to move about at a manageable pace and to free myself from the teathers of modern technology.

Several years ago, I've discovered one universal, immutable truth which is time stands still for nobody (Duh!) and I have lived the majority of my life in this over-populated city toiling in fruitless endeavors with such a quickened pace because each day in the office the battle cry is ‘make haste for there is money to be made!”. After 22-years of running in the hamster wheel I feel that my remaining, healthy years should be spent exploring the natural wonderment's not yet seen by my limited vision here in the concrete environs of Los Angeles. I want to spend forenoons roaming curiously through the thickened and spend early afternoons with books and writings and early evenings again sauntering through the forest as the sun slowly sets into the great invisible and the forest begins a natural lullaby to all her inhabitants. These descriptions are from past experiences when father used to take us on camping trips in the high Sierra’s and in Yosemite. We would hike along rivers and streams and when the wind raced though the tall timbers it was hard to distinguish it from the flowing river. It's no wonder John Muir wrote much about Yosemite. Well, these experiences left an indelible print on me that is only now re-surfacing in my spirit. It feels like an incoming tide that's about to wash away all of the meaningless doodlings I've written in the sands of my time.

IF I were to actually embark on this quest anytime soon it would require me to make a difficult, if not, terrible and irresponsible decision of abandoning all that I have; family, possessions, friendships and the like which I cannot do if I want to maintain any semblance of decency. Long ago when my career was emerging, father once cautioned me about the enticements and trappings corporate life can bring and that I should perhaps carefully re-examine my core values and ensure myself this is the route I want to take. He should know as he knew it all too well. Rubbish, I thought. I had convinced myself that the American standard was to hold a corporate position, married with children, own a home in the suburbs and maintain a good 401K account. SO I THOUGHT.

For now, I tend to go about my affairs in a perfunctory manner, seemingly content to all only to cloak my true inner burning desire for a much different place at a much easier pace. All those around me, both professionally and personally, seem quite content in their state of affairs and haven’t the faintest clue of my yearning for life amongst the redwoods. Oddly enough, the Eagles' lyrics seem to play over in my head; "You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave"

Father, once again you were right as rain.

Nostalgic America

I've had dreams lately, often about the same thing, when I was in my youth. Those were good times. Proper times. I used to deliver groceries on my bicycle after school. It was a fun and easy job. At delivery time, it didn't matter if the customer was home because nobody ever locked their doors. I'd just walk in the back door and deliver the groceries. At the end of the day, the manager would reach into his pocket and pay me and the other delivery boys in cash. We never counted the money because nobody ever cheated.

We were Americans; We knew and trusted each other.

That was indeed a long time ago.

Sound bites on me ......

I wish I could write lucidly
It sometimes hurts to write honestly of myself
I yearn to write correctly
I loathe my ineffectual words & admire those of others
I'm sometimes viewed as a recluse
I love my family
I'm usually quiet but have many thoughts swimming in my mind
I don't always answer deep questions right away
I'm not comfortable in large crowds
I often thumb through my collection of antique bibles in 12 different languages
I tend to have a short attention span
I surf very confidently - one of the few things I'm confident of
I dream of leaving the big city far behind
I prefer to snack rather than dine
I don't own a PDA device as I refuse to be tethered
I seldomly watch TV
I'd say that my favorite movie is A River Runs Though It
I could spend hours in a book store
I enjoy riding my motorcycle along the coast on a sunny Sunday afternoon
I take my dog Chip for a walk each night then spoil him w/ treats
I sometimes wonder why God loves me
I'm hoping to climb Kilamanjaro in the summer of 2010 - all depends on the market
I have a tendency to speak in a condescending manner when I'm annoyed
I wish I had a true friend who would listen when I express thought & emotion
I cherish running at 3am along the beach
I can be complicated but I'm a product of childhood experiences (aren't we all!)
I really enjoy reading YOUR Blogs. Really, I do. I admire the folks who write in here.


I really wrote this for myself as I was sitting here in my study pondering - Who am I ? So, I just jotted a few random thoughts down and for some odd reason, I felt a pleasant ease. Hmmm.

Friends, wine and a surprising deep query .....

I was asked (due in part of my faith) if I think God really cares about people. Well, let's see.

It seems to me God tends to get a bad rap because of our own misguided deeds. People starving in the world "How can God let that happen?" Children suffering of starvation; Same response Increasing violence in the world "Why doesn't God stop it" on and on and on the questions came coming.

WHY GOD WHY ?

Valid questions indeed but if we really examine each situation closely, perhaps some of these are direct byproducts of our own selfish attitudes and actions. Do we all have a little Veruca Salt in us?

Hey, what about me ?
I want my share .....
But I too deserve .....
It's not fair that they .....
How come I can't ........
What do you mean I can't have it now ?

I can't even imagine what God endures on a daily basis. Consider some prayers God may hear on a daily basis;

A prayer from someone complaining about not having a mate and how unfair it is
A prayer from a mother beseeching God for food for her starving children
A prayer from another to win the lottery and promising to give some back IF they win
A prayer from a child asking that daddy won't hit mommy & me anymore
A prayer from someone seeking strength when they just found out they have cancer
A prayer for that new fancy car they've been wanting for so long


Thank goodness that none of us are the recipient of these prayers as we would use our own judgements on which prayer to answer and which ones to deny. Thankfully God loves each one of us and regardless of our short-comings, He wants nothing but the very best for each of us. That doesn't mean He will always say yes or say yes in OUR timing. I think we sometimes view God no different than a waiter in a restaurant. We give our order and if it doesn't come as soon as we expected it we tend to become frustrated, even angered, looking around for the waiter to ask what's taking so long with my order. We cannot see what goes on in the kitchen - all the preparations etc .... Perhaps it takes a bit longer to prepare our order to make sure it's done just right so that we may fully enjoy it. Could the same apply with God ? Making sure all is prepared properly for our complete enjoyment of God's blessing?

I suppose with all of the current events in the world it's easy to blame God. After all He is God and He can stop everything right ? Well, true but then our limited ability cannot see the full purposes of God. I do believe we have the ability to use prayer and action to make noticeable differences in the world. We cannot rid the world of all its problems but it seems to me that each one of us can contribute by taking the time to love & help others where we can. I suppose the best we can bestow to one another is unconditional love & forgiveness (which can prove to be too difficult for some) thus slowly pull away from our own wants in life and allowing a peace that surpasses all understanding to imbue our every-day walk in life.

I reckon some will not like agree with my view and may suggest that I'm somewhat narrow-minded but that's okay. Really, I'm okay with that because we're all entitled to our opinions and beliefs however, I love God and I can't help but sigh when I hear of all the things we blame God for. It's as though I picture God saying to deafened ears "I love you all so much and these horrible things in the world are not my doing or my wish for you but it doesn't mean that I can't use it for good either". When I read of God's love and purposes for us, it's laced with love and peace and though sometimes we encounter rough times, sometimes the reaction is it's God's fault. We cannot see or comprehend God's purposes; we can speculate but that's as far as it can go and no matter how much we validate it in our own mind it doesn't mean we're right. I try earnestly to rely on Faith.

This piece took some thought as I had to start with the man in the mirror (sorry but MJ for stealing your line) and view my own faults and frailties. God help and forgive us all for the many injustices we seem to inflict upon each other.

Prescott & Nadia; The summary above hopefully provides my perspective on the some of the questions you posed a few nights ago over that fine bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. I'm sorry it took me a while to respond but some questions I cannot answer on-the-spot without taking time to ponder such deep questions so that I can hopefully tender a seemingly lucid response.

Best,

A lighter side on Pay-Day Friday !

SUCCESS

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

MARRIAGE:
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight honey?
She said - That's a great idea... you go in the kitchen and do the dishes
while I sit on the sofa w/ the remote and fart.

ENGLISH REVIEWED

Let's face it -- English is a mad language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem odd that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history, but not a single annnal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Send shipments by car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

One must marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by turning on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race(which, of course, isn't a race at all). That's why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it ... Indeed a mad world !


A lighter side for a "Pay-Day Friday" .....the above is not my work of course. Had I the time and effort to conjure these up I would have been found in my chair w/ a self-inflicted gunshot wound to my melon .... CHEERS

Adieu !

I believe it is time for me to bid farewell and to say & type no more thus vanish beneath the underbrush of a quiet moonlit night ....... In other words - I'm gonna lay low for a bit. Blogging is fun but I need to finish my DAG GUM book I started writing two years ago ...

SATURDAY MORNING RANT ......

Pissy, Pissy Pissy !!

Yup, that's my morning thus far. Maybe if I stop and think (hard as it may seem) for a moment perhaps I can uncover the impetus of my sour mood. Hmmmmm, Let see, is it;

Because I didn't run this morning?
The surf sucked and I really wanted to paddle out ?
I have no motivation to study for the stupid LEED exam (don't get me started on this one!)
I'm out of spray cheese and Dr.Pepper (DP = Nectar of the Gods)
I'm surrounded by folks who are spoon-fed their values & intelligence from PR firms & TV
My contact lenses are dried out !
My motorcycle is STILL in the shop (could have one custom made by now!!)
Stone Soup was a bit dull this morning (a comic strip in the LA Times)
I often feel I reside in a society of Veruca Salt's
EVERYBODY STOP TALKING ALL AT ONCE ! (thank you)
I don't wanna study today ... I just wanna lounge around in my underpants & eat snacky foods
Sometimes our actions re-confirm my sick notion that people are simply Darwinism-In-Reverse !
Someone left a mere strip of tissue when it was my turn for the toilet

OR

perhaps I'm just being an ASS ...... No worries, I'll build a bridge and get over it soon enough. In the meantime, does anyone have a pacifer and warm milk ? CHEERS !

Poli Pop

Seems that folks in these parts yesterday (3/5) were really caught up with the Prop 8 issue because of the hearings with the California Supreme Court and it appears the court is on the periphery of upholding the initiative considering that it achieved the required 52% of the votes last November. Seems everyone I encountered yesterday had a strong opinion on the issue. Some were very vocal. Some of the opinions I heard had merit and seemed lucid enough while some were up on their soap box pontificating to any available ear. Candidly, I loathe when folks start in with their half-informed rants when I didn't ask for their opinion in the first place. Anyway, I was continually asked what my position was and where I stand on it. I declined each time I was asked as I didn’t see it necessary to engage in some sort of debate, not to mention they would quickly lose ground with me thanks to years spent on my college Forensics Team. Truthfully, I'd just like to see the end of the media blitz surrounding this issue. So, instead of answering anyone I decided to write my view here since my entries usually go unread. I'm in favor of Prop 8. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. Aside from pro-creation, I believe this is it was always intended to be, however I do not harbor any ill feelings towards any person(s) who earnestly wish for a reversal of Prop 8.

There was much debate over inalienable rights in regards to its specific definition towards a specific application. It was pleasing to hear the justices speaking in unison that these inalienable rights are afforded to all citizens through a democratic process in which we the people have the right to govern ourselves though our party affiliation and government leaders we appoint through the voting process. It seems to me that one of the greatest inalienable rights is our right to vote. If Prop 8 is reversed my view would remain the same however I would accept it, without regret, as part of our democratic process.

I sincerely hope this matter concludes soon because it seems both sides of the initiative have fervently spent and continue to spend a considerable amount of money & resources on this issue. Seems to me that that we should apply the same amount of attention on aiding homeless & hungry children, battered women and children and a host of other humanitarian issues where real assistance & resources are greatly needed.

I hope that this is not construed as hateful because I am not. Candidly, I am saddened and very embarrassed by some folks who parade under the guise of ‘Christianity’ and conduct themselves in mean and disrespectful ways towards opponents of Prop 8. ALL folks should be treated with much love, kindness and respect regardless of their views because I don’t recall reading any passages in scripture where Jesus was disparaging towards sinners He encountered.

In the end, though I agree with the Prop 8 initiative I cannot condone the radical things I heard yesterday from a few ‘conservatives' that I unfortunately encountered. With one particular group of folks that I know, they found it necessary to press me for some validation and input but the only response I could muster was “I don’t know about you folks but I recall reading a passage of scripture when Jesus said to the religious leaders of his time; ‘Let him who is without sin cast the first stone’ Needless to say, a hush fell over this pious group and faces suddenly became somber. It amazes me how the name of Jesus will either cause a storm or calm a storm.

So, I merely smiled, wished them well and went humbly about my day. Gezz, I'm forever a dork.

Painting .....

Standing and deeply gazing at the heavens above,
I noticed a deep and darkened sky peppered with
motionless clouds scattered all about.

First, a radiant orange from the rising sun
aureoles the high-above cumulus clouds.
Then, the vast cerulean sky is revealed.
Staring at the majesty unfolding before me, I gleefully
watched the hand of God, painting beautiful and lasting strokes.
I noticed that my heart beating faster than usual.

At the bus stop, the early morning traffic is rushing
to and fro; a painful reminder that I make my home
in a big city, far from rural & peaceful settings.

The line to board the 6am bus had grown considerably.
They pay no mind to the joyous handy work of God.
IPods, Blackberry's and cell phones have once again
seized a wonderful piece of time; I look again and none
in line seem to notice or seem to care about this unfolding.

Thank you, for I indeed was watching,
feeling and enjoying the sheer goodness
of your every-day blessing.

3am Drunken Bumper Cars

It was an A-typical event occurring on an otherwise typical morning for me. Honestly, I thought about taking the morning off from my customary 3am run however when I rose 2:15 I was wide awake so I figured why not.

I dressed and stepped outside to my truck and noticed it was unseasonably mild. I left my house driving towards the beach and came to the intersection of Center & Grand. As I looked to the left up Grand Avenue I noticed a fast-approaching vehicle traveling west bound. There was considerable distance still between us so I made my turn onto Grand and merged into the left lane. As I peered in my rear view mirror I noticed that vehicle went right through the intersection that I just left which has a 4-way stop. The vehicle came quickly upon the passenger side of me and came awfully close. At first I was scared then it infuriated me that this bastard almost hit me. As it raced by me I noticed it was traveling between 45-50, in a 30-mile hour zone, and remained in the right lane. As the vehicle approached the top of the hill just past the Church I noticed that it was quickly coming upon a parked vehicle. It swerved and clipped the tail of it. I knew something was wrong so I reached for my cell to report this to the police when suddenly I saw it looked as though it was going to plow directly into the back of another parked truck when at the last moment it swerved but still hit the parked truck hard.

He stopped for a moment then proceeded to leave. That's when I came quickly behind him flashing my high-beams in hopes that the vehicle would slow down thus give me a chance to get the license plate number. The driver made a right turn on Eucalyptus without stopping at the stop sign and pulled over. A man approximately in his mid-30's stepped out and came towards my car which by then I was on the phone with the police. His slurred words were "Yeah, shit, I fucked-up". He started to head back to his SUV when I got out and moved aggressively towards him and shouted "Don't even think about getting back into your car. The Police will be here any second and I have your license plate number so you can't escape jerk-off". The Police arrived within 3-minutes and at that moment I thought Shit, what if this ass had a gun and wanted to eliminate me just to avoid being arrested for drunk driving and hit-and-run? Four patrol cars arrived and surrounded both of our vechicles. Shortly after I told them what happened, two cars went up the street to inspect the vehicle's that were hit. The police took the driver off to the side and then began to administer a sobriety test on him. The police took my information, thanked me and said I could go. I looked back at the driver and it looked as though he was about to be handcuffed.

After I concluded my run and was driving home past the area where all this occurred, I again thought, what if this guy had a gun? I could have been killed. While this was a possibility my natural instinct was not one of fear but one of duty. As a citizen of my town I believe it was my duty to report this and help law enforcement in this situation for the betterment & safety of the community where I reside. Who knows what may have happened if I simply let him go figuring he didn't hit me so what do I care and besides, I don't want to get involved. He could have killed himself or worse, killed an innocent person. I especially felt I had to after the horrible accident that occurred early Wednesday morning (1/28) when a police officer going to work was killed in a head-on accident when a 21-year old was traveling the wrong way on the 10-Freeway.

To think that this episode occurred in less of a 5-minute span left me pondering that at any given moment, life can change that easily and that quickly.

Summer of 06'; Fishing at Lake Piru

The aroma of coffee filled the house and at 2am there is no finer scent. I had just pulled the clothes out of the dryer to warm me up a bit before stepping out into the early morning chill. I jumped into my car and headed out to rendezvous with "Suds" and Kevin in the parking lot at work as Suds declared days before that “ We’re Going Fishing ”

Suds and Kev are no strangers when it comes to handling a rod so to them this could be another simple outing to not only enjoy the art of fishing but perhaps temporarily escape the trappings of work or anything else over-occupying their minds. For me however, this was Christmas morning at the age of five just waiting to open presents. Oh I had fished before but it was in a time when I was more interested in my building career and roaming the streets with drinking buddies who believed the most sorrowful words were 'last call' so the essence and beauty of fishing was not yet understood.

We piled the gear into KT’s Explorer and headed West on the 210. With coffee in hand and idle conversation to pass the time, we were going fishing. This part of the trip had a signature similar to that of surfing trips I've taken; early morning starts, fresh coffee, gear loaded and best of all, friends to experience it with. After about two-hours on the road, we reached Piru. The earliest hints of dawn began to show as we drove along the meandering hill-side road which leads to the lake. As planned, we reached the entrance gate at precisely 5am. These gents made it clear; cannot be late for fishing. I firmly believe this to be a byword to any devoted fisherman as well as the entire fishing community. All the arrangements were made in advance so by 5:20am, we were on the boat motoring towards the first hole. When we arrived, dawn was in full bloom and the horizon was painted with vibrant colors of red, pink and a subtle orange to further enhance the background of a gorgeous azure sky. The scent of dawn was intoxicating with its fresh air, the water and surrounding trees. Nature commenced with her day-breaking salutations with the signing of birds, cows mooing, coyotes giving out a few last howls and best of all, a light breeze rustling through the branches and leaves of the shoreline timbers.

KT had a good set-up for me, one that would suit any beginning fisherman. Gosh, I can’t believe that I actually called myself a fisherman. Well, I had a fishing license, a rod in hand ready to cast however I just don’t feel that I deserve to be included into this sacred fraternity, not yet anyway. Dues need to be paid. As Suds and KT were finishing their set-up, I cast first and I must admit it was a pretty good cast. My line drifted slightly beneath a bush that provided sufficient shade from the fast rising sun. While my line lay dormant in this hole, I soon learned that fishing is a matter of patience. The time between my cast and the first nibble on my line was therapeutic. No cell phones, no e-mails, no meetings, no conference calls, no impossible decisions to make. Trivial pursuits have no place or value in this arena and though I recognize my own infancy to the art of fishing, I would be nothing but annoyed by anyone disgracing this piece of time on the water by conducting some sort of business with such menacing devices. Square pegs still don’t fit into round holes no matter how hard one tries.

Within a span of three hours, we hit many holes and had a string of good catches. Nothing too rewarding in terms of size but quantity was plentiful. It wasn’t until mid-morning that I hit a good stride. It seems that within minutes after I cast my line I was hooking onto some good small mouth bass. I admit that a few times I got entangled with the bottom and KT had to cut the line and re-thread my rod. Growing pains. My catch of the day came after one of my better casts which for me was about 10-yards. I sat patiently after I cast and began to feel the mid-morning heat of summer when suddenly I felt a heavy tug on my line. “Dam, I tangled my line to the bottom again !” I shouted from the bow. Suds who was at the stern yelled back “The hell you did, look !” Simultaneous to the sound of my reel spinning freely, I saw the fish breach the surface and a battled ensued. Quickly, KT and Suds shouted to reel it in and pull up on the rod gingerly and don’t jerk it. It was a good size bass and it put up a good fight. I let out some line to give it room for more chase thus extending our engagement. Nothing mattered at this point. All my troubles, my worries, my fears were all but gone in a span that seemed like a life time but was really just a few joyous minutes. I must have worn an ear-to-ear grin because the inside of me was over-flowing with joy. I haven’t felt this much excitement in quite a long time.

I ended the chase by firmly reeling it in. As I stood on the boat looking over my catch on a clear blue warm sunny day, suddenly I had an epiphany. It wasn’t the fish that was truly baited and hooked but it was I. Nature baited me with her unmatched beauty wrapped with wonderful sense of unyielding meekness and finally hooked me with the knowledge that I can commune with her whenever I wish. She holds no grudges and casts no judgments upon anyone. She is blind to our frailties and short-comings.

Although my ruminations of this fishing trip may not have had the same impact on Suds and KT as it did with me, I can honestly say that there are not too many days that go bye that I wish I were back out on the water. The art of fishing requires patience and patience builds character. It seems that fishing will do me a lot of good over the long haul of life. Am I hooked ? In spades; hook, line and sinker !

Raking Leaves

The road ahead is unbent and
I'm steering full-straight however,
My mind is ever weaving, meandering
through a labyrinth of troubled thoughts.

Inside of me it's raining; tear drops that are
laced with unknown worries and fears.
My optics seem hazy with gray skies & no clearing
But when I step outside all is clear and blue.

After a moments shiver and a trick of thought
I commence my day with the usual false projection
that I am content in my duty and dwelling place.

What has seared my mind into such despair?
What is it about the country that beckons me?
Is it its sense of ease and tranquility?
Is it its slower and more manageable pace?
I don’t pretend to think that country life
is not absent of its own hardships but

For now, I find solace in day-dreaming of when
I will leave; Leave this big city and all of its
burdens far behind in exchange for new beginnings

As I once did long ago on a Vermont farm, I hope
to spend the better part of my day under the
warming country sun simply raking leaves;
Quietly and peacefully ...... raking leaves.

An Early Autumn Stroll

A welcomed cooling came upon this day
Much relief from the heat of yesterday
I took my dog for a walk, we were strolling
in the quite of this foggy Sunday morn.

Still dark outside, Halloween lights aglow
Souls are still sleeping inside. A cup of coffee
the scent of toast fills my dimly lit kitchen
recitations from the Writer’s Almanac playing
while I lounge back in my chair, with coffee,
toast and Chipper at my side.

I look out my open window and begin smile at
The birthing of a new day and mused oh, what
A blessed man I am to enjoy the finest part of day!
Our gracious Lord allowing me this time alone
except with chip and his chewy new bone.

The Maple Tree

I opened my window at midnight and
A cool breeze enters, bringing me much delight
A full moon shinning above, casting down its radiant light

In the day, my wandering mind is yearning to settle
Strolling along I came upon a rose, fresh in bloom
Oh, it was adorned with many beautiful petals

Sitting quietly under a lush maple tree
I ponder the paths of life for which I have chosen
And In the cool of the shade I feel utterly free

A melody is musing deep within my mind
A tune so rapturous none could ever find
No fetters or shackles strong enough to bind
Rejoicing peacefully at words spoken so kind

Not to be marred or swayed by promises broken
A listening ear is always a treasured token
Let me laugh a little,
let my cry a little,
and let me sing a little
if not, my beating heart will simmer;
turning frail, bruised and brittle.

After a noon stroll in summer’s country grandeur
Taking in all her wonders and blessed splendor
I retreat back to that lush maple tree
I lean against her sturdy trunk, tilt my hat and close my eyes
I fall asleep and dream, dream that this day will never end.

Envisage

Floating, like puffy white pillows
aimlessly in heavens of pure azure
My mind, ever drifting wherever the
Trade winds of imagination carry me.

High above the perils of this world
Far beyond the reaches of life’s demands to
a sacred shelter where Nirvana never ceases.

But alas, this blissful journey is temporal
For I must soon descend back into the toils of life
and place my hands back on the pushing
plow and till the soil of life’s responsibilities

But for now, in the quiet of this pre-dawn hour
I’ll sojourn here for a while longer to soak in
All that these treasured moments have to offer.
Indeed, I’ll remain here feeling suspended
like glittering stars flung into heavens above.

From the journals of WTG: Buses, Beaches and a bombing brunette

A peculiar incident or better yet, a matter of serendipity occurred while riding the bus home one mid-June afternoon that compelled me to jot it down so it doesn't escape my mind (Although I can’t see how it ever would)

The 5:45pm bus from downtown LA to LAX was rather empty on this humid Friday afternoon however it's wasn’t uncommon because most people are either off on Friday’s, leave early or drive in. Whatever the reason, it was empty enough to pick any spot on the bus so I chose a seat near the back exit doors. The bus departed from 7th & Flower Street and I was finally heading home notwithstanding a few stops. We breezed through downtown as there were no people at the other stops so it was straight onto the freeway. I had my nose buried in Hemingway's ‘The Sun Also Rises’ when I noticed the bus was slowing to a stop. Damn, the USC stop. I forgot about that one. An unusual stop as it seldom stop’s here Monday through Thursday during summer, let alone a late Friday afternoon. Oh well, my mind wasn't too fixated on reading anyway as I was envisioning the weekend in my head which was filled with the things I want to do and the dreadful things I have to do when suddenly I looked up for a moment and noticed a beautiful young gal boarding the bus. She was medium height with a toned figure. Her features were stunning; hair was long and walnut brown, eyes were deep blue and skin was tan and she had very nice, athletic looking legs. She was wearing a white tee shirt with a red & gold USC embroidered logo, a short denim skirt and red flip-flops which matched her red-painted toe nails. Now that’s school spirit. She made her way down the isle looking over the available seats carefully as if she were in the produce section of the market looking over the veggies when for a brief moment our eyes met. She gave a cordial smile and moved toward the back, where I was, and sat in the seat across from me. Wow, of all the places to sit on this empty bus.

The bus jerked forward but transitioned into a smooth, steady speed as it merged with traffic onto the freeway. I noticed she was rummaging through her back pack and I couldn't help but notice again her youthful beauty. I thought, shit, just what I needed, a distraction all the way home. What compelled her to sit next to me anyway? Now I'm really not going to read but I must make my appearance as so, in order not to look so obvious. "Hi" she said in a low by cheery tone. For a moment I was dumbfounded and numb. "Hello. Um, I'm Willis. How are you?" me sounding as formal as in the conference room. "Good thanks. I noticed your reading Hemingway. I like his work. Have you read much of his work?" Wow, are you kidding me I thought. I'm a Hemingway aficionado and could speak very well on his works and his life. "Um, yeah I've read some of his stuff. I sorta like his style of writing." I said so sheepishly.

She turned slightly in her seat to face me and said "My dad loves reading Hemingway and he used to read to me some of his stories, like the Nick Adams stories. I read more Hemingway in high school and quickly identified it with my dad so I really enjoyed reading his stuff" She spoke very confidently which left me feeling rather awkward because I usually speak with a high degree of confidence on book topics however, I was rather intimidated by her youthful beauty and robust personality.

The traffic up ahead indicated that it was going to be a lengthy ride home which meant I'll have more time to see where this interesting encounter will lead. "Yeah, I like the Nick Adams stories, particularly the Big Two Hearted River. That one is my favorite of the Nick Adams stories" I said more confidently. Actually, there was a hint of boasting in my tone as I was wagering that she hadn’t read that one as it seems geared more for guys; hiking alone, single story character, no other characters or dialogues, many camping and fishing details. "Yeah, I looooove that one!" She exclaimed. "It totally reminds me of when my dad used to take us camping down by the river and we'd get up early to go fishing. Gosh that was fun" Damn, she's NOT the girly-girl that I first perceived her to be. "So where are you from" I asked. "Great Falls, Montana. You?" Now wait a minute. How can this be? I mean, she's very attractive, she loves the outdoors, she likes Hemingway which leads me to believe she probably fancies some of the other classics writers I prefer and she's from the place I want most to visit ... Montana. I hesitated for a moment and was looking beyond her and out the window as my mind was twirling. "Are you from here?" she repeated slowly as if I didn't hear her the first time. "Oh Yeah, sorry. Yes, I'm a native. We seem to be a dying breed as there’s not too many of us." Whew, I barley pulled that off. "Wow, I've always wanted to visit Montana. It looks so beautiful and wide open there. No traffic. No smog or big city crowds. Do you miss it?" "I do but I really like it out here as there's so much to do and I love the ocean. I usually go down there after school, like now" My heart starting racing. "So, you're heading down there now by yourself?" I asked in a bewildering tone. "Yeah, well, a couple of friends are coming later and we're going to meet up for dinner and a couple of drinks. I just didn't want to sit around and wait from them" she said. "It looks like it’s going to be a nice sunset so I wanted to walk along the beach then sit and watch the sun go down" she said as she gently combed her fingers through her silky hair.
As I too turned in my seat to face her, I said" Yeah, the beach is really nice and though I cherish the times spent there I'm ready to chart into different areas. I really want to experience for myself the wonder and beauty of Montana".
She was listening so intently that it made me a nervous, as if I were in grammar school again taking a pop-quiz. "I've seen many photos of Montana and I can't explain my yearning to go there but I suppose it will all come to me once I get there" She leaned over towards me and said very softly "It's such a beautiful and peaceful place. If that's where your heart beckons you then you should follow it. Life’s too short, ya know ?" She slowly leaned back into her seat. I was numb. So many thoughts and emotions were running wild in my head like kids on the playground at recess. Wait a minute. Kids. I've got two of my own AND a wife. Life sometimes tests our devotion and teases our emotions.

"Well, hopefully one day soon. I'm getting older now and want to go there soon so that I can still scale some of the mountains and run through open meadows with good strength" I said in a manner fishy for something. "Older? You don't look too old" she said matter-of-factly. Just the in I was looking for! "Well I'm 45 so perhaps numerically I might be however, I feel as youthful as ever". Just then her cell phone started ringing. Buzz kill ! She grabbed her phone to see who was calling "Oh, go ahead and take that if you need to" I said as I turned back in my seat facing forward. She looked it over then hit the ignore button and muttered "Nah, that's okay. “So" she said with a bit of hesitation as she tucked her phone back into her pack "45 huh, that isn't old. I think men in their 40’s tend to be ....... charming" she said in a moderate flirtatious tone and with an inviting grin.

We had gotten past the bottle-neck on the Harbor freeway and were coming onto the 105 overpass which meant I'll be at the park-and-ride within 15 minutes. "Where are you getting off" I asked with much enthusiasm. "I’m getting off on Beach Boulevard and Highland so I can go down to the Manhattan Beach pier. I like to walk on their pier and watch the surfers. It looks like so much fun and I'd really like to try it someday while I’m out here" she said. Now I don't know what to think. Is this really happening? "Oh it's a lot of fun once you get the hang of it" I said in a baiting manner. "Wait, you surf?” she asked excitingly. I nodded yes. “You're gonna have to teach me!" she exclaimed with a bit of a giggle. Now I’m well aware that statements such as these are not meant to be taken literally but I took the bait anyway "Sure. I've got great boards to learn on and the water is pretty warm right now so it would be a great time to go out if you really want to try it" She again looked at her cell phone and opened it up and began texting. I wondered for a moment if I was too forward in asking but then she replied "Okay, you name is Willis right? What's your number?" Without any hesitation I gave it to her however I didn't ask for hers. That was my specious, self- convincing logic that I wasn't being completely unfaithful in my act of duplicity. "There, you’re entered." She said as she turned once again towards me "The summer semester is nearly over thank god but fall semester is nearing so I want to try it before I get too busy with school, okay?" she asked. "Sure. Just give me a call and we can meet up somewhere in Manhattan Beach" "All right, Cool" she said exuberantly as she put her phone back in her pack.

The bus was exiting La Ceinega Boulevard and was now 2 blocks from my stop. I reached up and pulled the request to stop wire. She asked" Getting off here huh?" "Yeah, I live here in El Segundo however the bus doesn't make any stops close to my house so I have to drive here to catch the bus." The bus was now briefly stopped at the intersection Imperial Highway and Aviation; 40-feet from my stop. I stood up, reached down and grabbed my satchel extended my hand. "Ya know, we've been talking all this time and I never asked you your name and yet you know mine. I think you have the upper hand here" I said jokingly "I’m Sarah. It was really nice meeting you Willis" she said. She had a pleasant hand shake which was not limp however not too firm either. "Don't forget, I want to learn how to surf so when I call don't think of me as some dork, okay?" she said laughingly. She's got to be kidding, her, a dork? "Oh I won't. Have a great time at the beach and with your friends tonight. Be well and take care." The bus came to a stop and I pushed the rear door open and began to step out. I briefly turned around to get one last look and to my amazement she was looking back at me. "Bye" I said and she replied with a warm smile "Bye"

The bus left the stop and I stood there staring at the bus growing smaller as it headed west towards the descending sun which was hovering over the beach. I was almost in a trance, trying to re-play the past 35-minute encounter and compact it into a single moment. I got to my car and drove home and kept the radio off. I was in sort a daze as I was uncertain if that was a real encounter or did I really fall asleep and was dreaming of something out of a Hemingway novel.

Well, here it is, Labor Day; the unofficial last day of summer and Sarah never called. This doesn't surprise me though and in fact gives me some relief because of the fear of what if she did call and what would I do? Would I have ignored the call or would I have agreed to meet her and give her a surfing lesson. I've sorta of concluded that sometimes tests are put to the forefront to see how we will act or react but in this strange case, I knew deep down she wasn't going to call. There were too many enticing things that led me to believe this wasn’t real and that it won’t come to fruition but heck, I played along anyway. At the very least it made the bus ride home on that early summer afternoon the most joyous occasion one could have commuting home on public transportation. After concluding my thoughts on all of this, an old school-yard verse came to mind; "The wheels on the bus go round and round" because in life, with all of its routines can ostensibly spin in the same, perpetual circle but every now and then, the bus makes an unanticipated and very interesting stop.

Imbibe

I was strolling one warm afternoon
when my eye came upon your beauty.
The sun shone upon your radiant skin
in which you stood out from the rest.

I knew I had to have you and enjoy all
your natural pureness upon my lips. So
I brought you into the house and once
inside, it was with great pleasure that
I crush you without remorse and witness
your crimson blood flow.

I invited others to come enjoy this ritual show.
Concluding your crushing we all merrily cheered
and in unison consumed your sweetened soul.

Another Monday Presentation

Temporarily loosened from my cubical cage
Time again to perform on this critical stage
to an audience dripping with market sage
all part of my requirements for a daily wage

Hoping days like these will soon be done
no more fluorescent's lighting my weary way
overcome with a yearning to joyfully run
under the natural lighting of the warming sun.

And so ends another futile day of servitude,
satchel in hand, standing amongst the masses
waiting to return home; home to contemplate
how to manage through another day in the office.

The Isle of Todos Santos, Fall of 1987

This time I didn't think I was going to make it. I thought my luck had finally run out. By the time the second wave crashed over me I was still swirling underwater from the first wave that got me and by now I was under for what seemed to be an eternity. Gasping for air and swallowing water, I was completely disoriented from the spin cycle of the white wash. I continued to swim to what I thought was the surface but in reality I was swimming down toward the bottom which was confirmed when my hands scraped the jagged rocks. I thought, show's over, I'm not going to make it up.

As a third thunderous wave crashed over me, a sense of ease started to cover me like a warm blanket. I thought this is the end of the road; my time on earth is up when suddenly I surfaced. I was choking for air and my first thought was I'm going to get hit by another wave and I have no air left in my lungs to possibly survive. I quickly turned towards the line-up to see how many towering waves would finish me off but to my amazement all was calm; the water was remarkably still and the horizon was indistinguishable as the deep blue of the ocean and the azure heavens meshed beautifully. Gordon was the first to paddle over and help me back onto the boat. My leash broke so my board washed up on the rocks, broken in half by the ocean's fury. Once in the boat, I started to feel sick to my stomach which was caused by the salt water I had ingested and the realization that perhaps I felt the warm breath of death sighing over me. This was too much for me to swallow so understandably I heaved violently over the side of the boat. After my moment with ‘Ralph', a few of my hardy, rhino-chasing mates were high-fiving me, reminding me that we're all that close from becoming fish food when we dare to do what few would ever consider. They offered me a cold beer to settle my stomach so while I was nursing it down, I remembered a quote from Teddy Roosevelt which initially inspired me into this grand arena of chasing big waves; " Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure ... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat"

Although this experience occurred some 22-years ago, the feeling from that experience is still fresh in my mind. I can vividly recall the moment of panic I felt followed by the strange yet sudden ease when I thought I was all done. My days of chasing big surf are behind me now and I've grown into a life of servitude to my career and my family. I still enjoy surfing however, something has changed or rather I have changed. I've seemed to have matured over the years because in my more youthful days, I would ditch work and willfully forego all other obligations in life just to catch a new swell and log in more time in the water, regardless of consequences. Today, I can't keep track of how many good swells I've missed because of duty & obligation but I don't harbor any sour grapes about it. In retrospect, I consider myself very fortunate and thankful that I can still paddle out on a good day and handle it quite well. I’ve ridden a lot of great swells in my day and though I’m certain there will be plenty of upcoming swells I’ll miss, I’m confident that my yearning for another paddle-out will not fade into the distance.

I have nothing but fond and indelible memories that are directly linked to surfing; the places I’ve been, friendships made and some colorful characters I’ve surfed with over the years, all of which makes surfing to me more than just riding waves. It’s an experience that is perpetually imbued with much excitement and adventure. Often times surfing for me is a lot like the excitement a child feels waking up on Christmas morning and anticipating all the gifts to unwrap. However, these days I tend to be over-burdened like most folks who are with a laden schedule. This unfortunately limits my time in the water. It's indeed a true blessing to know that when I'm afforded with some free time I can escape down to the beach and commune with our Mother Ocean and frolic in her watery playground. Surfing provides a continual gratification far beyond any I have ever since known. I can can only hope to remain in good health in the years to come to answer the call of the sea for another paddle-out, abiding in my yearning to be in the ocean. I highly doubt that my prime reason for surfing will ever fade or diminish any time soon because simply put ……
SURFING IS DAMN FUN !