The morning of 6-3-12 ..

Sunshine and Gray ~ The morning sun is now making its way into the kitchen as I sit and look out the back window. All is quiet as I gaze upon the sun rays intertwining with the branches of a barren lemon tree. Peacefully, I hear a small concert from outside, songs ringing beautifully from the fowls nestled in their nests. For a moment, I shut my eyes and take a deep breath to inhale all of this beauty unfolding before me. Beauty; where does such beauty come from ? Where do its origins lie, and where does beauty hide when it's opposite sneaks in to darken and disrupt, to steal, and displace all things of beauty ? I myself, with all of my limited capabilities, cannot fathom such answers but I do know and feel beauty when it makes a visit upon me; my spirits are lifted to high altitudes, causing my emotions and imagination to soar ever higher, but after a while, a certain fear grips me, which stifles my flight, knowing that at any given moment I could plunge into the depths of sorrow and disparity. Perhaps this is why I prefer the gray twilight to constantly surround all of my environs; never too high and never too low. Not much victory, not much defeat, allowing me to hide within the masses, going completely unnoticed, feeling no love or any resemblance of the same. Then, I realize the ugliness within me, the rage inside that is simmering to a boil. Beauty is now on the end of a beat-down, ripped apart from my apathy and deep dispair, and not just today but in perpetuity !